Wednesday, June 29, 2011

So what haunts you then?

The girls’ target bedtime is 8 pm. Mostly (95%) of the time, we make that deadline faily well as I push hard to stay on schedule each night....even weekends for the most part. Dinner and dinner-clean-up is done by 6:30; baths 630, books start at 7:00 until 8. So….no big deal. Then, I come downstairs and read books or my NY Times or hang-out on the back porch with Ed (mostly) and chat or watch Charlie Rose or cooking shows. (or the Antique Roadshow). My TV watching really is limited to about those three shows..or sometimes we'll catch Masterpiece.

I’m getting to my plot line here…

I then go upstairs to check-up on the girls around 10pm-ish. Most of the time, Nicki has crawled into Sammi’s bed and is curled up next to Sammi. Sammi’s arm is draped over Nicki’s back and sometimes her hand is lying on Nicki’s head...really a sweet scene. Nicki likes her head to be patted so I'm sure Sammi is doing so. During the daytime, Nicki is typically the de-facto leader and Sammi mostly goes along with her games and mostly takes her leadership in stride…except…..except….if there is anything at all whatsoever that makes Nicki hesitate or that spooks Nicki or scares Nicki, then Sammi is 'enguard at her side' to take over and be Nicki's 'protector".

It is one of my greatest joys the girls treat each other this way and it is my greater fear that somehow they could possibly lose each other. I do, of course, dwell on "the good" and I try hard not to think about "the bad" but it’s there and it can haunt me. How on earth do parents get through the loss of a child and how on earth do twins get through the loss of the other...?I guess one doesn't get 'through it', do they...

I thank my lucky stars about a quadrillion times a day.....

Here's to keeping us all safe and sound as can be,
Cin

2 comments:

Sean and Mic said...

Such a sweet post. I am glad you updated your blog, because I had not checked in for a while.....

I used to worry all the time about losing my husband or daughter in a car accident or something horrific (and well, I sometimes still do), but now my biggest haunt is that something will happen to me, and I will not get to enjoy every second of my daughter growing up. I don't mean that to sound self centered- just that I love my kiddo so much, I want to enjoy it all- every second of it. Sometimes at night, I still go in her room, and just check on her and watch her sleep.

Anyway, your girls are absolutely gorgeous- and they look so happy. I love seeing so many happy, happy China girls. :>0 Have a great rest of the summer.

Heather said...

After getting your "error" email I was inspired to look at your blog (hadn't been here in a long time). I am loving the new photos of your gorgeous girls. This post really resonates with me. The same exact fear haunts me--- that one of my boys will lose the other. The thought of losing a child is beyond horrific, but I must admit that for me, the thought of one of them losing the other is actually even worse. I don't know how I'd bear seeing one of them go through that. So this post hit home for me in a big way. K & O, too, do these nurturing things for each other-- and rely on each other during the day but especially in the night. ~Heather