Sunday, February 21, 2010

Full-Time Working Mothers -- How do you find the balance?

I am venting quite a lot here about work-life-children-husband balance....Love any suggestions about how it works for you? Is it even possible to manage the time-wrap bus....? You know, you get on the bus one day (let's say we got on last Spring following a really nice and relaxing set of trips we had with the Uncles (Josh and Lloyd, of course) and their entourage and Anita and family)....and then it zoomed through all-of-Summer (it clearly did not make the "Summer" stop) until Sept when The Bus stopped for us to all get back with the Uncles and with RonyKatieAbbie and Col for a beach trip....but then...then...The Bus did not stop until now. What is this...Feb? The Bus did not STOP for 5 crazy months?

And you know why it stopped now? Because we've all been sick (all four) for 6weeks. Ed is still sick. I am really venting now. This situation is, shall I say...."sub-optimal". When I say the "Bus does not stop", I mean, no extra time to just do me-things that do not involve Ed and/or girls. None. No ice-skating, no girl-time (which I need BADLY), no blogging (which i do enjoy), no blogging and photography time, no consistent working out, no consistent Pilates, no girlfriend time (yes, i did already say that and I really need it)....Just work, girls, work, girls, work, work, girls...(not too much Ed in there either....).

I know the real problem, of course. My job is way-way too demanding since i got this last promotion last Spring. I need to get that under control better. I love-love-love the work as it is fascinating and actually, fun, but i am SO NOT balanced. I work too hard and then when i come home, i collapse. On weekends, I just hang-out and do projects with the girls. And...of course....when Ed is sick (like he has been FOREVER....), it is very difficult slipping out for me-time as i don't want to pay a babysitter $12/hour just so I can have a class of wine...makes for an expensive glass of wine. And, having my friends here don't help as girls are underfoot and it does not give me my break...

So, I'm trying to take a better look at this. I have no intention of reducing my job or cutting back and take a lesser role as I love my job and i love the work and I'm really good at what I do. It is a huge part of my identity. Anyone else facing the big-huge-demanding job (this job you can not 40 hours a it more line 55-60 hours a week), young children, not finding enough-me.....and I need it as I"m stressed not having it thinking i'm feeling a bit depressed, too. Would love to hear some ideas....



Truly Blessed said...


Sadly, I don't have any advice at all. I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time finding the balance you seek and so desperately need (but I'm thrilled that you posted again -- such great pictures of the Girls!!!).

But do you think you could free up a couple of ours sometime the week immediately following Easter (that would be sometime April 5 - 10) because we're coming your way and would LOVE to see you! It'll be one of the boys, the girls and I (Dad has to work and some of the boys are busy with college, so it's not a whole family trip). I'm thinking the latter part of that you think we could get together?


Isabella's Mommy and Daddy said...

Sorry to hear everyone has been sooo sick..
This weather this year has taken a toll on tons of people.
As for the time.
well I am not tooo sure.. I know I dont have enough time also but my kids are grown so little easier..
Take some time for you and hubby..
Thanks for updating the blog.
the girls are growing up sooo quickly ..

Colin and Jill Canada said...

Aww, that's tough and sorry but I'm no help, beause I'm not working at the moment - I wanted to take time off with Lilah.

And here's something else, I know you don;t need anything else, but just in case you want to vent - I have created a Yangdong SWI group on Facebook! :) Come join us and vent!

Either way your girls are simply BEE-u-tee-ful. Seriously. Love those Hello Kitty shirts. They are growing, just don't miss out on that part because it's what matter the most.

Love to you all.
Jill xx

Heather said...

I don't check your blog too often these days (partly because you don't post a lot, but mostly because I don't have time to check ANY blogs), but for some reason today (while frantically eating a sandwich at my desk between meetings) I clicked on it. Why? I have no clue. And what do I see? This post. Which--- seriously--- basically articulates EXACTLY my own thoughts right now. Seriously. I am really, really, really struggling with this right now. I go up and down and down and up, but right now I am really really down about it.

* I have a big job (university professor) - I surpassed a major hurdle 2 years ago (tenure) which makes my job even more valuable now than ever... however... the stakes are always getting higher and higher and it is HARD to keep up with it. I do love my work (some days), but I'm starting more than ever to resent how much time it takes away from my family life --and for the first time I find myself seriously questioning why I am doing all this. I never seriously consider quitting, and yet, I'm feeling conflicted and in turmoil almost all the time. Yuck.
* I love and am passionate about being a mother. I am sooooo madly passionate about raising my kids. I adore spending time with them. I hate being away from them. And yet, I cannot even fathom being home full-time and not working. Seriously, cannot even fathom it.
* I LOVE having a nanny who is also a house-cleaner, laundry-doer, and home-manager... and yet... it is tough to see my kids doing things with her that I often wish I could be doing with them (but I'm working).
* I HAVE NO TIME FOR FRIENDSHIPS (I hardly have time for my relationship with my husband) and that, more than anything, is killing me. It is work and home and home and work and literally NO TIME FOR ANYTHING ELSE... and that makes me feel that somehow (despite being totally--more than-- fulfilled at work and at home) unfulfilled. A major issue is that the kinds of women I'd actually WANT to be friends with (and whom I'd have most in common with) are women like you-- who, like me, are totally overwhelmed and unable to invest in deep female friendships right now. It is a crappy part of this whole thing.

I feel like I'm losing myself and can't quite figure out where this is all leading in terms of ME.

I don't know what to do.
I'm totally struggling with this.
I don't see solutions.
I'm kind of desperate to find solutions.

I am hoping it is the winter blues, but I suspect (sadly) that it is not.
email me:

Ok, now off to a meeting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (that I'm now late for because of this long comment!!!)